In Which I Need to Eat My Words - Which Might Come in Handy Because I Can't Seem to Make Dinner and Write a Book at the Same Time

 Remember earlier this month when  I wrote  that I had stopped setting definite goals by which I absolutely must be agented or published. I was going to take the rest of the month off to read, and I had accepted the fact that I was not going to have a manuscript ready for PitMad in December and that that was okay.

Well, that lasted less than a week. I suddenly got an inspiration for my Nutcracker inspired contemporary fantasy. I knew approximately what would happen and I knew that one of the things driving the MC's desire to succeed in his quest was his desire to prove to himself that he could thrive despite his recent diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. It seems I have a penchant for creating main characters with some type of struggle. As the mother of a type 1 diabetic I am particularly appalled both by the lack of characters in children's books with T1D and by the fact that, on the rare occasion they occur, the condition is often portrayed inaccurately.

From that point on I wrote furiously. New characters appeared that I hadn't even imagined before I started writing, let alone fleshed out (when I'm brainstorming a new book my first step is always to write a background for all of the important characters). It turned out there was another important mouse, a best friend I didn't know existed, and a set of cousins from Germany.

It all went amazingly well. The book is out to beta readers as of yesterday, and, while it's not guaranteed, it's quite possible I will have a new book ready to pitch in December after all. All that contemporary and urban fantasy I was going to read? Yeah, it's still on my to be read pile, otherwise known as the end table beside the big, comfy chair I usually write in.

I'm pretty proud of myself for getting an idea and sticking with it even though it went against my original plan. You know what I'm not proud of, though? The fact that I am apparently incapable of cooking dinner while writing a book. Actually, I need to rewrite that sentence. It is really difficult for me to simultaneously work on a book I'm excited about, supervise remote learning for three kids (only two are mine, but my 4th grader has a podmate who comes to our house), and remember to do the things I need to do to cook dinner.

Monday was the prime example. Plan A for dinner was a pot roast in the crockpot. Well, as soon as I got back from my morning walk I fired up my computer so I could get to work. Between 8:30 and noon I only actually got about an hour of work time, due to a combination of interruptions from kids and my own ridiculous compulsion to check social media instead of actually accomplishing something. When I went into the kitchen to make lunch for the kids I saw the Crockpot on the counter. That had nothing in it. 

I then initiated plan B. I would put a lasagna together after lunch and stick it in the fridge. At 4pm all I had to do was heat up the oven and stick the lasagna in and it would be ready in an hour. At 4pm I dutifully went into the kitchen and turned on the oven. A little after 5 I was helping my high schooler with an assignment and went to check on the lasagna. The oven was working away - heating absolutely nothing. The lasagna, dear readers, was still in the fridge.

There was no time to both cook it and eat it before three of us had to leave for a Cub Scout meeting at 6pm. I stuck it in the oven anyway. My teenager, who was not going to the meeting, go to eat it when it was fresh. My 9 year old, who doesn't like lasagna, ate spaghetti before we had to leave, which she was going to do anyway. My poor husband and I had to wait until after the meeting and eat warmed up lasagna. 

I've been spending some time in the evenings narrating what I wrote that day to my 9 year old. Since I was done, yesterday she asked me about my ideas for my next book. My husband commented, "I'm glad that you're writing and excited about it, but could you figure out how to also make dinner when you're excited about a book?"

I will try mightily. I promise. However, I cannot guarantee that my family will not be eating cereal for dinner at some point.

In Which There Is No Deadline By Which I Must Find an Agent or Be Published

I've been putting myself under a lot of pressure lately. I started taking my writing seriously as an actual potential career about a year ago. Through joining a challenge to prepare for a twitter pitch event I connected with a group of other writers and joined a Facebook group. I decided the novel I wrote 16 years ago wasn't quite ready for prime time, so I had some of those writers read it, got feedback, made some changes (including switching the gender of an important secondary character), and decided it was ready to pitch in March.

My dream came true a couple hours into the event. An agent at a pretty prestigious agency liked my pitch, which was invitation to query. I queried with great excitement. Just so I'd have some possible competitors if this agent made an offer, I queried half a dozen other carefully selected agents. I had my query letter critiqued and made it the best I thought it could be. 

The agent got back to me saying that she liked my idea but wasn't drawn in by the opening chapters. All the other agents passed as well. Two offered personal feedback saying specifically why the opening chapters hadn't drawn them in but saying that they liked the idea. I decided that I was done querying that manuscript for the time being and that, at some point, I would pull it back out and make some major revisions.

I then started work on a new idea and got one chapter in when school was "temporarily" cancelled. Spoiler alert: my kids still aren't back in traditional school. The book is an urban fantasy featuring fairies and I decided I wanted to do more research on fairies from around the world before I got far into the writing. I had requested several books from the library - then the library closed. I decided to shelve that idea.

Then I remembered a story idea that I talked about with a friend in the last lunch out I had this year. I rolled with it, and that main character, Anna Ono, grabbed ahold of my heart and mind in a way no other character I've written about ever has. I finished the first draft  in five weeks. I was absolutely certain that this book was "the one," the book that would get me an agent and my first book deal. 

I had the book beta read, polished, and ready to pitch in the June PitMad event. I got no agent likes. Not to be deterred, I researched agents and sent out query letters full of hope. I got form rejections or nothing at all. I researched more agents and sent out more query letters. I got a few personalized rejections and changed the opening chapters based on the feedback. I changed up my query.

I got a full request, then waited and waited. The agent who requested my full liked my pitch in the September PitMad Twitter pitch. I was very hopeful. A week later she got back to me. She had liked the story, but she hadn't loved it enough to make an offer.

Even before that, I had started another book. I started the first chapter the last week of July. I figured even if it took me 2-3 months to finish a draft I could still have it beta read and polished in time to pitch in December. It's a contemporary fantasy based on The Nutcracker. I figured December was the perfect time to pitch it. Then the book stalled in chapter 4. I still can't figure out precisely how the boy and his mouse sidekick are going to save the day. I seem to be really awesome at writing 1-5 chapters and not nearly as awesome at actually completing a whole book.

So I set it aside. I went back to fairy related urban fantasy that stalled after chapter 1 back in March. I made some major changes to the main characters. I massively changed the original plot I had in mind. I got four chapters in. Then I stalled. I decided to write out a plot summary, which I've never done before. I'm about 2/3 through I think and now that has stalled. 

It's October 6th. There's no way I'm going to have a polished manuscript ready to pitch in December. If by some miracle one of the agents who has a query for Anna Ono hasn't offered representation before that I'll pitch it again, but I'm beginning to feel that it may not be "the one" after all. I still love the character, believe in her story, and want to share her with the world, but I'm wondering if her story simply isn't engaging enough to be the one that an agent falls in love with at first sight. Perhaps it's the one I'll have to bring to my agent after a different story has been accepted and say, "Hey, what do you think about this?"

I finally decided that I was done putting pressure on myself. Many writers take years to finish a draft of a novel, and that's okay. I don't need to put myself on any particular timeline. Right now I'm taking some time off writing and spending the next 2-4 weeks reading recently released middle grade urban fantasy. Maybe it will spark an idea, maybe it will just give me a deeper knowledge of the craft, maybe it will just give my brain a break. Probably a bit of all three.

Two of the writers I met through Facebook now have agents and books on submission to publishers. I know my writing is as good as theirs, and, because of that, I spent way too much time being jealous of them and setting deadlines by which I absolutely positively needed to reach the place they had reached. I'm giving myself permission to let go of that. I believe my writing is good and will someday find a place on shelves. I'm not setting a deadline on when that has to happen.